Tomorrow; J and I are going to counseling. I know that most will not agree with my decisions to give my marriage every last ounce of myself..and try my hardest to make it work. And I am okay with that. I am strong and beautiful..but I am not ready to walk away. I am not ready to accept defeat.
Yes..my marriage is hard. Harder than I ever expected. But I love being married. I love being J's wife, and waking up next to him. I know that there are going to be hard times to come. I don't know where J and I will be six months from now..or even a month from now. But if he and I do end up calling it quits and getting a divorce..then we will both be doing so with the understanding that we gave it our all.
I have always been the person that when things got tough, I dropped everything and left. With J I don't leave.. I get mad, upset, hurt, and so many other things, but I don't ever just drop him and leave it all behind. I have made a life with him. He is my husband.