Thursday, July 30, 2009

soon to be mrs. holland.

[image from]

This is what I want. Justin and I have been moving at 100 mph for the last couple weeks. And I feel like we're ready to break. He and I are starting to get a little bit on eachothers nerves. I am thinking that is just a little bit of pre-wedding jitters. We have not spent anytime together, and the time that we have spent together has been doing things that are not in the least amount fun. And to top it all off; it is hot.

Verrrrry hot. I do not do well in the heat. It bugs me. Irritates me that I am sweating. But all in all; I like the heat better than I like the cold. I hatttte the cold. :]

My wedding is in less than 10 days; nine to be exact. And I am a very nervouse person. I really am not sure how it is all going to turn out. I am really nervous that it is not going to go the way that I want it to. Hopefully it does go the way that I want it to. I will be sure to put as many pictures and information up as I can. :]

Well; I am going to get back to work. :[

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

simplicity; my bridal shower. <3

my bridal shower; july 25th, 2009.
t'was amazing. :]
cannot believe all of the amazing gifts we recieved.
and all of the amazing people that attended.
they truely are amazing. and i am so blessed.

adjusting my top; darn dress.
woohoo. loved this gift.

people answering questions. :]

the littlest kronberger.

my bestie and i

the mums and i.

my moh. :]

three of thee most beautiful girls i know.
my sisters.

em and i.

kaitlyn and i.

kendal peeking at the gift table.

thee gifts.

the best strawberry dip ever.

the food.
my mom did such an amazing job.

the end.
[of the pictures.]
I had such a fun time with everyone there. Loved hearing all of the stories that people had about me. It is very rare that you hear other members of the family tell funny stories about yourself. I am so blessed with a kind and loving family. My sisters and mom did such a good job on my party. I was really pleased at the way the party turned out and the amount of people that showed up. Tomorrow is my day off, and I shall be writing thank-you cards to everyone. :]

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Tuesday; Mhm; kicking myself for not sleeping.

Oh golly. I am not going to last through the night. I worked last night, and when I got home, I went to sleep around 8:30-9:00.. and I just could not sleep very well.I was wide awake at 11:30. Justin and I spent most of the day just hanging out. I spent almost the entire day in my bathing suit. It was such a nice day. I sat in the river on my favvvorite rock, with my flip flops on, throwing a stick for Ellie.

Justin had an appointment in Eugene, so he got ready and headed out. I jumped in the shower after he had left, and got ready for the day. Kinda, I put on a little mascara and put my hair into a bun and headed to my grammies. I spent a couple hours there, and tried to sleep on her couch, but it was just not happening for me. Around 4, my cousin Gary and I went back out to my house with Karlea and we all went swimming. Justin and his nephew also came out. J's nephew is spending the night with him tonight.

We all headed back to town, where Justin picked up some pizza and went to my aunt's house. The boys all played on the wii and play station, and my aunt and I talked wedding and family. It is so nice to sit down sometimes and not have to think about anything. That was my day. Sitting in the river, or floating on a floaty; really perfection. :]

When I left Justin and his nephew tonight; they were still at my aunt's and it was 11. They were all outside playing pool, and I think they were going to play the wii for a bit longer. Justin is so good with kids. His nephew is very well behaved and has thee most amazing manners. His parents really have done an amazing job, with both thier children. :]

My bridal shower is this weekend. And I am a little nervous. I am not sure, how it is going to go, or even what is going to go on. But I guess we will see. I hope that it is fun. I am sure that it will be. But you never know with my family. I am trying to think of a cute outfit to wear so that I look good in pictures. I am thinking that I will more than likely go with my black dress. Or maybe find a cute skirt to wear with a tank top and a little sweater. :] whoooo knows. speaking of that; I NEED TO DO LAUNDRY SOOOOOO HORRIBLY BAD. I am on my last pair of clean socks that match, and my last set of scrubs.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

monday; always better spent with my justi. <3

this is how we spent our monday. :]
The love of my life and i.

Jake enjoying the river.

Justi and I.

thee only way to maintain
my flip flop

ellis. my princess.

ellie and jake.
entertaining themselves.

yes, ellie's head is underwater.
I am sure jake is saying;
breathe deep el. :]

this picture was snapped
right after jake spent probablly
ten minutes getting a rock out of
the water, just to have ellie push
it right back in.
the look on his face is priceless.
Justi. the dogs in the background.

picking up. :]

ellis crossing the river.

waiting for justin to cross.

telling the dogs to get back. :]

wait for me. :]

this is my backyard.

and this.

love the swimming hole.

the end.

la di da.

Wedding Countdown Ticker

killing time at work. really wishing that it was later than 1:45 in the morning. I have eaten all of my strawberries, and my apricot..which isn't an apricot..but I cannot think of what it is called cause it is not a peach. But it is a-ha; it is a necterine. hehe. I am a genious. :]

So I have started to get rsvp's which excites me. I am going to find a way to put them in justin's and i's scrap book. which i have not started and probablly never will. but it sounds like a good idea.

feels like home to me. <3

It is official; I rock. :]

I have found all of the music that is going to be during the ceremony. Well most of it..kinda. :] Okay okay- I have found two of the songs, the song that will play when Justin and the attendant's walk down the isle [eric church- loves your love the most] annnnd when I walk down the isle [ chantal kreviazuk- feels like home]

I am pretty sure that when that song plays and I walk down the isle; I am going to cry...along with everyone else. It really is only 19 days away. I am a little nervous; even thought I won't admit that to anyone who asks me. I say ohh no. I am so ready. Butttt.. I am a little scared to go to bed one night as Shelby Kronberger and wake up; Shelby Holland.

I just found the song that my dad and I are going to dance to. :] I cannot wait. I think it is going to be amazing. :] I have sound music by t-carter. and i am in looooove. I cannot wait. I really need to find someone to make me some cd's. :] I am thinking that I will more than likely put itunes on my grandma's computer and just put the songs on my birthday ipod that i have yet to use.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

wedding documentation. :]

it's official. we're allowed to get married.

justin signing his life away; to me.

going over the fine print. :]

me kissing his shoulder.

he's looking at me and i'm looking at the camera.


me signing my life away; to him.

more signing.
right now. i am pretty well set for the wedding. the only thing i need to still make sure gets done, if making sure that the guys have their clothes. i am going to put karlea in charge of two of the boys. :]
cannot wait until my wedding day.
t-minus 20 days.

randoms; today while searching the internet;

I have found a few new favorite sites out there. Some that make me laugh [which is not really acceptable when you have a waiting room of people] and a few that make me wish I were most artsy.

this will be the location of our wedding. :]

haha, i totally found out to make my uploader work.. i am going to end this blog and start working on something else. a little bit of photo blogging. my grammy should enjoy. :]

Free Personal signatures - cool!


Wednesday, July 15, 2009

101 things you probablly don't know. [but maybe.]<3

1. I was voted Most likely to be seen on court t.v. and most likely to be caught skipping; Nothing like keeping up family tradition- My mother was most polite and My father was foulest mouth. :] Hehe. I guess I am somewhere in-between. :]
2. I look up to certain people in my family. And I am not sure if they realize it or not.
3. I've never dated a redhead, and I wouldn’t. The chance of having a redhead is high in my family. And I don’t want my child to burn easy. :] hehe.
4. I had most of my wedding planned before he asked the question; well technically he has never gotten down on one knee.. Or asked- Will you marry me.
5. Only once have I ever been truly in love.6. I've spent an entire Sunday laying around in just a towel because I was too lazy to get dressed after a shower. (Hey, at least I showered.)
7. The accident where I wrecked my parents Toyota is the only time that I have felt that I really disappointed my parents.
8. I never knew how badly I wanted to be a mother until I saw Justin holding a baby. And I sat there for an hour imagining him holding our baby.
9. If I had one wish; I would wish to turn Ellie into a human. She is the only thing that has ever truly been there for me- no matter what. Not judging.
10. I was somewhat of a stereotypical prep growing up.
11. I enjoy having my own house to go home to after a family event. I love my family, but most of the time after 3 –5 hours with them. I am ready to go home.
12. One of my all-time favorite shows is “Grey’s Anatomy”; Yet I am way nervous for next season, mostly because two of my favorite people possibly got killed off.
13. I would always choose love over money if I had to pick.
14. My family is more important to me than I think they know.
15. Once during a doctor’s visit I asked a nurse to hold my hand while I was getting a shot. I was 21
16. I love Frank Sinatra music!
17. Science comes easy to me. Yet I really struggle with math.
18. I do not like to be told that I am wrong. And more than half the time think I am right..and I usually am.
19. I can't resist a man that smells good.
20. I always thought the term "love sick" was cliché, until I felt nauseas over a relationship.
21. A broken heart really does make your chest hurt. And unable to eat, sleep or breathe without that person next to you. I have only had my heart broken once, by Justin. And he was able to put me back together.
22. Love really is blind sometimes and can't be explained.
23. I'll never say "I love you" unless I really mean it.
24. I battled depression as a kid. I denied it and let it go untreated because I was afraid people would think I was being silly to feel so down.
25. There were times when I should have swallowed my pride and spoke up because inside I was begging for help.
26. My sister Kaitlyn is going to school on a basketball scholarship and I am beyond nervous/excited for her. I want her to do well. And stay focused. So many people have sacrificed for her.
27. I've had 10 piercing at one time. Four in each ear, nose and belly button.
28. I like to wrap one arm around a pillow when I sleep. It's not only comfortable, but also comforting.
29. At times I can be quick to judge people, but even faster to accept them.
30. I'm a kid at heart.
31. I'm not really afraid or embarrassed to be naked.
32. I usually don’t wear underwear.
33. I actually don’t like to cuddle.
34. Ellie sleep in the bed next to me every night, right on my pillow.
35. I really do like water. To swim in. Drink. Bathe. :]
36. I've gone to more of my sisters events than they have to mine.
37. I've had multiple boyfriends at the same times.
38. I knew the moment I met Justin that he was the one I would be with forever..
39. I don't attend church, so when I do pray, I wonder if God will still listen.
40. I'm a firm believer in "God helps those that helps themselves".
41. I'm angry at those who blame their childhood for every problem they have thru adult life.
42. I can count on one hand the amount of times I have heard my father say I love you.
43. My car is always a mess. I never know where anything is. I could clean it all the way out, and the next week it is a complete mess. My mom tells me every time she sees me; Clean your car out.
44. I am so sick of hearing about Michael Jackson’s death; who the F cares?
45. I don’t miss the friends I used to have. They weren’t that great of friends to begin with.
46. I am shocked at how much money I've spent/wasted on clothes that I do not even wear.
47. I have never stole anything in my life. But I know a lot of people that have.
48. The first time I meet people, I am usually really quite and then once we hang out again, I am myself.
49. I never realized that I usually only answer questions with a one word answer. My grandma pointed it out, and now I notice it all the time.
50. I'm dance challenged. I am not capable of dancing.
51. I'm not an easily offended person. You have to really push it to set me off. But once I am there; You screwed.
52. I only had detention once and it was my senior year of high school.
53. I wish I would have gotten better grades in high school, and gone to college somewhere.
54. I would love to be a college graduate.
55. I really think it would be amazing for Justin to be able to go to school and get a degree.
56. Sometimes I feel dumb talking to other people.
57. I have gone snow skiing, but never snowboarding. I would love to have the money for a weekend of skiing with Justin.
58. My parents have never said they were proud of me.
59. I've lived in this state my whole life, but I want to move away to Seattle because I love it there.
60. I like being challenged, but I'm learning to be careful what you wish for.
61. I'm hoping this job opens up new opportunities, and I am looking forward to when I have been here a year so I can transfer to a larger hospital.
62. I tried weed once at age 20 and never would do it again or recommend anyone do it.
63. I was on an emotional roller coaster with a guy for too long. I'm glad the ride is now over.
64. I secretly love it when a man takes care of me when I'm sick or tells me to be careful.
65. I dated a guy once solely for his looks. We never talked about anything of importance. Not once.
66. I can cook. But hate cooking if my kitchen is a little bit dirty.. and I hate cleaning.
67. I believe in chivalry.
68. I love romance. I feel it's the best part of a relationship.
69. I speak only English. I am going to take a Spanish for healthcare class though.
70. My parents have been married 25 years in October. That is very scary. That just seems like so many years.
71. I've acted like I don’t care a lot of my life, when most of the time I do.
72. Justin is the one person that I probably should have made exit my life. All of the things that we have gone through, and still we are together.
73. I have a sentimental keepsake box from past loves and childhood memories.
74. Justin’s family hates me. They do not like me. Or want me to marry their son/brother. They have made it very clear that they have no use for me in their life; and I don’t miss them for one moment. I just want them to be nice to Justin so that I don’t have to freak out.
75. I love an adrenaline rush!
76. Although I would trade an adrenaline rush in for that "rush feeling" of falling in love.
77. I have a good amount of friends and a pretty close family, but I still feellonely at times.
78. I have a hard time understanding how one man could make my heart beat one day and break it the next.
79. I don't trust people as much as I once did.
80. I've had a close friend die at his own hands.
81. It was one of the hardest things that I have ever gone through. There are still times when I don’t quite understand why it happened. Or what I can do to help me move on..
82. I smile. But sometimes it is fake. A lot of the time it is fake.
83. I never let on how much it hurt me when a guy I liked didn't want to meet my family.
84. I try to pray for my family before I pray for myself.
85. I wonder if that is why I am sometimes faced with more bad luck than others.
86. I've "drunk dialed" and been on the receiving end of a "drunk dialer".
87. I melt when Justin kisses my forehead!
88. I really want to go to Vegas, yet I never had.
89. I told Justin’s family that he and I were married. They think they are coming to our wedding. And not our actual marriage.
90. My senior year I TA’ed in a class, and I had 78 day absent, the teacher was supposed to fail me but then I would not have graduated, he told me the day before graduation; Pay it forward. That one day I will make a decision that could make or break someone’s life, and that is the way I will repay him.
91. The biggest turn on is security. Knowing that the bills are paid, there is money in the bank and we are stable.
92. I don't understand why most people hate their jobs; If you hate your job so much find a new job that you love.
93. I wasn’t sure that I was in love with Justin until he and I were separated for 3 weeks unable to talk or see each other, and then I knew that he was the one person that was supposed to be my husband.
94. It makes me sick to my stomach to have to drive past the stop that I wrecked at.
95. When I was younger, I was a complete bitch to people, and now when I see someone that I went to high school with and they are surprised that I talk to them, I always apologize.
96. My wedding ring will be under 30 dollars because Justin and I cannot afford to buy an expensive one. And he feels so bad for not being able to purchase me a wedding ring.
97. I found out a friend of mine was cheating on her husband with multiple people while he was in Iraq; I told him about it. I do not feel bad.
98. My family and Justin have come such a long way. My dad and Justin will even be going hunting this fall together.
99. It is almost surreal that I will be married in less than 30 days. I am getting a little nervous the closer it gets.
100. Having regrets in life is bad, not being able to change is worse.101. Alot of this was hard to write because it brings up memories and feelings I don't like to always admit are part of me.
101. Alot of this was hard to write because it brings up memories and feelings I don't like to always admit are part of me.


We have been ubbber slow today. Soo today will be a day of blogging. Which btw; excites me. I found a blog that has 101 things you may or may not know about me, and I fully intend to write 101 things about myself. Mostly because in 17 hours, we've had 10 patients. wooo hoo. Party on. :]

Today was supposed to be my day off. I woke up early, came into town and hung out at my mom's til about 9:30, then I got a phone call from work, asking me to come in at 3:00 til 11:30. So I hung out with my two favorite E's; Emeli and Ellie. They both slept most of the day. Yes Ellis my dog. hehe I had a day planned of taking Ellie to the river and doing some other things with her, but then I got called into work. Hopefully she has fun hanging out at my mom and dad's til Justin and Jake get back from his brother-in-laws.

Emeli and I mailed my wedding invitations today. I am a little nervous, now that they are sent and that there is no turning back. Hehe. Not that I would want to turn back..but you know what I mean. It is just a little strange feeling; that in less than 30 days.. I will be Shelby Holland. :] Kinda makes me wanna jump for joy. :] hehe.

We got my bridal shower invitations, and those will be sent out really soon. And then the bridal shower should be here really soon. :] July 25th. I am not sure what I will do once, we are married. What will I plan from then on out. Hehe. :]

Wellllll.. I am going to get started on my 101 things about me.

xoxo; shelby

Saturday, July 11, 2009

french vanilla mint lip-gloss. [heaven.]

there are times; when i am not sure of the path that i am on.
but i know that i am not walking down it alone.
i know that no matter what the Lord will guide me in the
direction that he has planned for me.

these are a few things
that make me feel
truely blessed.
flip-flop suntan lines.
fresh cut hay field smell.
otter-pops. [purple]
sister trips to the river.
kissing justin.
sitting on a rock watching the water.
my wedding day.
throwing sticks for ellie and jake.
my mother.
watching the sun rise from the front window of work.
eating fresh picked strawberrys.
sweet tea.
walking on the beach.
raspberry lemonade.
watching the joy in my fathers eyes when kaitlyn plays basketball.
my job.
my grandmothers. [i have two. and they both did amazing jobs raising their children]
justin. [whose name gives me butterflies even after 4 years.]
knowing that the lord is my shepard.
green grass.
my mother talking about wedding ideas.
kendal asking me when justin and i are going to have a baby.
french vanilla mint lip-gloss[heaven.]
those beautiful sisters of mine.[how they make me smile.]

mhm. :]

"Trust (lean on, rely on, and be confident) in the Lord and do good; so shall you dwell in the land and feed surely on His faithfulness, and truly you shall be fed. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires and secret petitions of your heart."Psalm 37:3-4

the rising.
another miriacle.


and i am almost off work.
i am beyond excited.
i have an appoinment
at ten o'clock in the morning.
with the lady that is going
to be fixing my wedding dress.
if i go to sleep when i get home.
i will sleep for the entire day.
so i am not going to go home.
i am going straight
to my grandma's
where i have every intention
of laying right down on her couch.
or possibly; more than likely
sitting out on the patio with my grandma
while she "doesn't" smoke.
since she "quit" smoking a couple
months ago. but her husband
doesn't know that she actually does.
i wonder if justin and i
have those secrets.
the ones that are little.
that are harmless.
or if one day we will.
i am really going to miss my bed today.
i will not have the time to sleep.
i have so many things to do
that sleep is just not in my schedule.
i plan to fight it as long as possible.
even though i am ready to crash
as i type.
hopefully midday i will find the time
for a power nap of sorts.
i am so excited to go to the rodeo
tomorrow. it marks the begining of summer.
i love summer.
it truely is my favorite season.

seattle.. oh little booger you. :]

Soo.. I have been dreaming and wishing and hoping that one day, I wake up and I am sitting in a coffee shop in downtown Seattle..with a drivers license with the name Shelby Holland and a seattle address listed on it.

I have always thought that I would leave Cottage Grove, and that I would not fall in love until I had moved away and ventured out into the world. Buttt; I fell in love with a fellow Grovian..and the hopes and dreams of Seattle and life a little smaller. And recently the three biggest things on my mind have been..

1. My wedding; The wedding of my dreams. Being able to get married at my parents truely one of the best things I could think of. I have always loved the house that my parents live in. It is so beautiful, and they take such amazing care of that house, and I can only hope to have a home like that one day. Everything is coming along so nicely, and I really think that I am going to miss all of the wedding planning that I have been doing.

2. Seattle; Oh how I want to live there. Experience that life. The atmosphere of the city. Pike's Places. Starbuck's Hometown. The shopping. The city as a whole. The zoo. So many things that I am sooo in love with. And the overwhelming [at times] sence that, Seattle is where I belong. I know above all that I want to work at a hospital. That I do not want to work in any other place, and that I have found my calling. And a little while after I started working for PeaceHealth, I learned that they were in the process of re-building a hospital in.. yep you guessed it; SEATTLE!! Well, technically The San Jaun Islands, which is just a hop, skip and a jump to seattle [or more along the lines of a ferry ride.. but still.] I cannot wait for them to be done. The projected open date is 2012..and by then I will be ready for the move. Justin and I will have been married just about 3 years, and I know that he will be more than willing to move up there.

3. Children; I have been doing a little research during my shift's about the time that most people take to concieve after having their IUD removed. It is not a very long time after the fact.. usually around 2-4 months. Justin and I have had so many talks about children and have both decided to wait at least a year and half to even begin trying to concieve. But I am having a little bit of a hard time..pushing back that little nagging voice in my head that is whispering baby names; telling me it is okay to just walk through the baby isle at target. lol. I think that having a baby would be such an amazing gift. We have all of our future children already names.
[Kaidence Elyse, Bryce Todd, Kholbie Blake, Tanner Cole or Caleb Cole.] I want a little girl so bad, and I know Justin would love a little boy; I would also. Maybe we will have twins. :]

it's official. :]

Justin E. Holland, 21, and Shelby L. Kronberger, 23, both of Cottage Grove

that little tid-bit, was stolen from from the section of for the record;
justin and i are listed there for getting our marriage license. mhm. :]

he is amazing. <3

mhm. another full night shift.

Tonight I come; not as prepared as the last full night shift that I worked. Last time, I brought snacks, sent myself a bunch of good survey's, took a nice long nap before venturing off to work an 8 hour, no break, always sitting, not very busy night.

Today after sleeping as late as I possibly could[11am]..I cursed myself for piercing my ear on the side of my head that I prefer to sleep on; hense making sleep more of a task than a pleasure. And also cursing those God for-saken flies that thought my face and arms looked like the perfect landing up took a shower. Waited for eight days for my new mail person to drop off my check. Then I headed into town to finish up on the wedding to-do list [that is dwindling by the moment; which kinda scares me. what will i do with my time- if i am not wedding planning?]

Then; Emeli && Kendal and I headed to Eugene. We stopped at Old Navy and browsed the clothes racks, purchased Justin's groom attire and found some verrrry adorable tops that I think would look amazing on on my MOB [mother of the bride]. I am a little nervous as to what my mother is going to wear. So that has become one of my bigger concerns, and now more than ever as I am trying to be gracious and non-bridezilla like..I am trying not to boss my mother and tell her what I want her to wear. I think that I am going to let her decide. Justin told me that my mom is old enough to dress herself, and that she has never worn anything embarassing before and she is sooo overjoyed about this wedding that she would look beautiful in anything.

Getting kinda off track with what I did today.. But I feel this just needs to be said; My mom.. oh how I am impressed with my mom. Well actually all of my family, but above all my mother. She really has helped me plan more of the wedding than I thought she would. I really thought that most of my wedding things would be done entirely by myself or Justin. But everyone seems to be soooo involved and I just love it. I need to try to let Justin be more of a deciding person. I tend to do it on my own, or just let him choose minor things, and I am not remembering that this is his wedding also, and that he would like to be involved in the decision making process. :]

Buuuut back to todays happenings; Em, Brea and I went to eugene, and I got a new scrub top, and searched the entire state of Oregon for a pink long sleeve t-shirt and had no such luck. I really wanted to wear black scrubs and a pink long sleeve to work, but had to end up wearing a nasty dingy white one. Oh well I guess. It was the best I could come up with. My own fault for searching for long sleeves in July. The way the sales people look at you when you say; "Hi, I am looking for a long sleeve t-shirt.. do you know where I could find them?" You know that they are thinking; "Ughm, yeah it's July..YOU CRAZY!!"

Hmmm.. Killing time.. is killing me. I really wish that I had my ipod all loaded down with songs, but I am a sucker fish, and I don't. I am thinking that tomorrow when I go to my grandma's I am going to upload itunes onto her computer and then load songs onto my ipod, which I have had close to 2 weeks now, and have not used once, except to play a verrry cool game on. :]

Alright; I am going to go read my past blogs. lol. Nothing better to do; 2:20am and I still have 5 hours to go.. commmme on daylight.

Thursday, July 9, 2009


So far I have lived Twenty-three full years.

Twenty-three things I learned in the last twenty-three months.
1) I learned to forget and forgive; Forget the people that don't deserve a spot in your life. And forgive the ones that do.
.2) I learned to always carry at least 3 spare keys on me. As I tend to lock myself out of my car and house frequently.
.3) I learned to never leave home with out a change of clothes, makeup and work shoes; You never know when your going to get called into work. :]
4) I learned Seattle is calling my name; In more than one way.
5) I learned that blood truely is thicker than water; yet sometime it is easier to go with water..
6) I learned my mother is one of the most amazing women in the world.
.7) I learned that I am ok by myself. I don’t need a crowd or agenda to be happy.
8) I learned there will always be war; within family, love, the world. You just have to choose to embrace it.
9) I learned that God is faithful to provide new friends and community. And that even if I am not sure of the path to go down, he will find a way to let me know where I need to be.
10) I learned the hospital is where I need to be.
11) I learned that at some point in your relationship; ex's become people again, and no longer are considered your ex. But just a moment in your past.
12) I learned how to be a better person.
13) I learned that I love Justin. And that he is an amazing man, that will love me for who I am, no matter who I become.
14) I learned that I want to continue to go to school; and continue to move further into the hospital system.
15) I re-learned how to balance work, school, homework, family, love, and friends.
16) I learned that I love children. Working for Christie and John really opened my eyes to new found joys and discomforts of children. And I enjoyed ever moment; especially rocking Dylan and Fynn.
17) I learned that sometimes you have to give in to get ahead.
18) I learned that my life will never make perfect sence; but that it could still be perfect. :]
19) I learned about grace.
20) I learned how to write thank you cards. I always knew how, but since I never wrote them, I’m not sure if that counts or not. There were so many people that made my life possible. I am very grateful. Nothing says grateful on a budget like a thank you card!
21) I learned that I can be happy where God places me-regardless of where that is or how long I will be staying.
22) I learned that I can be someone that people don't always agree with.
23) Overall, I learned new levels of trusting God and being obedient when He calls.

Until the next adventure,

[my birthday was amazing. i could not have asked for a better birthday. justin and i woke up early and went to breakfast, mm; waffle's with strawberries and whipped cream. justin, my aunt shae, alton and gram all went to mexican food for lunch. mhm soo good. then justin and i went and purchased our marriage coming soon. it was such an amazing experience. i am so in love with that man. then after that; kendal justin and i went and i got a piercing. it is called a tragus, it is in my ear, the little shark fin part of it. we went later to my grandmas and ordered my bridesmaid dresses and earlier we had a flower appointment and we got my flowers ordered. we stayed late at my moms. and went to the bar for a birthday drink. all and all my birthday was amazing.]

twenty-three; hmm what do you hold for me?

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

and the beat goes onnn..

Today; I woke up around 5am..crawled out of bed, while being very careful not to wake my ever so soundly sleeping dog Ellie. Jumped in the shower, got ready for work, kicked the dogs outside [and out of bed around 6:30] and made my way to town, grabbed a coffee at Badoobaz [iced caramel latte; thee only way I survive mornings.] and headed to my wonderful job at the hospital.

Today, from the moment I arrived, I was slammed. I had the randomest phone calls; patients and just all around strange day. I worked until 12:45 and then I met Justin for lunch at The Pink House, he always ends up ordering better food than I do, and it always looks ten times better than mine. And it leaves me wishing I had ordered that, but I am sure not to say anything to him, because he would hand over his and eat mine. We went up to my grandma Pat's to kill time before I had to be back to work at 3:00.

I worked down in the hospital part today from 3:00-5:00, then I came back down to the emergency department and am now working until 9:30. But one of the ladies that is working with me tonight, might have to go home at 9:30, or earlier and so, I would need to cover until 11:30, when the next person was able to come in. Nothing like spending the entire day at the hospital. It really doesn't feel like I have been here all day though.

I am having some issues with Justin. I feel as though he and I agree on something, and then while I am at work, or not there, he does his own thing, or does what he wants to do. I hate that I feel that the decisions we make as a couple are not decisions that stay as a couple and that he does what is going to make him happy right at the moment and not what is best for the relationship in the long run. He is my fiance, and there will be so many more decisions that he and I are going to have to decide on, and if he is just going to agree with me, and then make the decision; what is the point of asking for an opinion in the first place. Why okay anything with someone, if you are just going to do whatever you want in the end. I feel as though he is being disresptful toward me, and above all it hurts my feelings more than anything. I feel like he is not ready to be in this relationship, and lately have been feeling like I am dating someone that is in middle school.

Grr; I need to eat..I think. I am feeling a little grouchy. :]

Sunday, July 5, 2009

the sun is rising.

Currently; I am watching the sun rise. And it could not be a more beautiful sight. FIRST FULL NIGHT SHIFT DOWN! Haha. I am victorious. Lol. I only had patients. But all in all it was a good night. No real problems, and no questions. Rock on.

Five in the morning. And I still havn't finished all the survey's that I sent to myself to keep busy. The hardest part of the night was definatly the hours between 2 and 3. I was nooot even doing well. But 3 to 5 just flew by. And's 5:16 and the sky is almost all the way blue.

I am so blessed. Thank you Lord for my blog and the internet..and Mountain Dew; because those three things are the only thing that kept me from cuddling up with the desk and crashing out. :]


two-forty-three in the morning.

my eyes..are begging me to let them close. begging me to put my head down on the desk and go to sleep. Oh how I want to. :] Buuut I will not. I am so close to being done with my first full night shift. Never in my life have I ever worked a shift like this. And it is kicking my butt. The boredom is the thing that is killing me. The waiting. Waiting for someone to come in. I think we will probablly not get anyone else from here on out. Most people are in bed, and the ones that are really bad will be going to Riverbend.

My writing ability is lacking tonight. I am just not able to think of anything worthy of writing. I have been reading other people's blogs, but that just tends to make me more tired. And that kinda defeats the purpose of staying awake. :]

Well I started writing this an hour ago; The clock says; three forty three. lol. I am not sure how I got side tracked, or even what I did for that hour. I didn't have any patients. I just had one walk through the door, and signed them in and had them go to triage. Just waiting for them to come out so I can do my part. Thennn.. I am back to surfing the web, organizing my email. lol. Or whatever I just did for that hour. I am starting down the slope toward my bed. Only a couple more hours thennn.. I am off to bed.

Well.. I should probably end this blog; and get back to googling people in my family. Lol. :] Let's see what dirty little secrets we can find on one of the most popular search engines.

one word;

1. Yourself:beautiful
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend :amazing.
3. Your hair:long
4. Your Mother:amazing
5. Your Father:sacrificial
6. Your Favorite Item:blanket
7. Your dream last night:wedding
8. Your Dream Home?porch
9. The Room You Are In:emergency
10. Favorite color:purple
11. Your fear:failure
12. Where do you want to be in ten years?seattle
13. Who you hung out with last night:friends
14. What You're Not:skinny
15. Your Best Friend:karlea. <3
16. One of Your Wish List Items:children
17. Your Gender:lady
18. The Last Thing You Did:worked
19. What You Are Wearing:scrubs
20. Your Favorite Weather:sunny
21. The Last Thing You Ate:burrito
22. Your Life:blessed.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

sparklers. tan skin. otter pops. && working?!?

Yes, I being the lucky little devil that I am..has the privledge of working tonight at Cottage Grove Hospital. :] Woot-woot. I am not sure how I got lucky enough to work my first solo-shift ever..on thee busiest night of the year..from 11:15 to 7:15 in the morning. But I did. And I came prepared.

Before starting my shift, I got online and emailed myself about 12 survey's to fill out during my joyous eight hours of work. They were really busy earlier..and right now, we steady. No one waiting to be seen by the doctor, but people going in and out of their rooms.

Also helping me get through my night are my six blogs that I used to read religiously..but then started working a not-so nine to five job..but similar. And my blogs have taken a backseat to; wedding planning, dress decisions, spending time with Justin, making sure Ellie and Jake get enough attention. But the good things about blogs, is that they will always be there, and even if you have to go back and read a few older post to understand what they are talking about, you feel like they are your best friend. The one you only see every so often, but when you see her, you immediately pick up right where you left off.

First patient of the night just walked through the door. Time to put on my worker bee uniform;
Patient numero uno; down..and back in the er.

[ten minutes later.] Second patient of the night walks through the door. They are back in triage.. soon they will be out and I will have to change once again to my worker bee uniform.

I have a sick feeling in my stomach. I am not sure why. But I do. I am not liking it. It makes me want to call all of my friends and sisters and Justin to find out if everyone is alright. I am sure that it is nothing, and that it is just my gut telling me this is the calm before the storm. Which I am sure is just me nerves. :] Tonight should be an alright night.

Well.. I am going to go fill out some survey's maybe I will post some on here. Give you a little insight into my life.. As if I don't already. hehe. :]