Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Weekend Wrap Up. ♥



Went to school, til 8:40, did some home work, and went to bed early.


I was off of work all day, I went down to tell Justin that I wanted a divorce,

Where he told me that he wanted to work things out, and move home, that

He was making a mistake, and didn’t want to lose me. And then he invited me

To the casino for his mom’s birthday on Saturday. Had a BBQ at Seth’s house.


Went to the casino, won $250 dollars, hung out with J, went swimming,

Kinda got treated like crap from Justin, just kept getting treated like crap by Justin.

Left crying. But under the impression we were good.


Thought Justin and I were good, asked him to hang out when he got back, he told me I was annoying, and that he didn’t want to see me or talk to me until he got home on Wednesday from deer camp. I took the dogs swimming, and ended up out at Seth’s for a bbq.


I slept late, dinked around the house, did some school work, and went to school.

I can’t wait to give you all an update of things in the works in my life, but as far as my blog goes, I am going to keep in pretty vague, as I am not entirely sure who reads this, and who is friends with Justin. I am sure that my ex-friend still reads this & she and J are besties, sooo I will keep my life details out of here, until Justin and I are over.

divorce && everything that comes with it..


I am going to try very hard to write out blogs on Microsoft word, and then post them to my blog whenever I get a chance. I know I defiantly owe you all a major update. I am not even sure when the last time I blogged was. But there has been so many things happening.

I had my first week of school, which didn’t suck as bad as I thought it would.

I worked really hard and got a lot of my classes pretty far ahead.

So on the days that I want to slack, I am totally able to.

I just had a four day weekend, which wasn’t to bad.

Justin and I talked a little bit, hung out for the day, and by the end of the day

I was crying, and cried most of the two hour drive home.

I realized that he and I are no longer, Justin & Shelby, but just Justin. And. Shelby.

We have become two separate people. We somehow went from being married and happy to just being. And honestly when I look at him, I no longer recognize him as a man that I stood in front of my friends and family and told them that I would love him for the rest of my life. I am more upset with the fact that he and I didn’t even make it one year married. Given it has been the roughest year that Justin and I have ever had. We dealt with infidelity, lying, lack of income, job loss, loss of family members, jail, fighting, money problems, bills, so many things that I believed we could overcome, yet didn’t.

I decided after this weekend and spending the day pretty well being ignored by Justin, that I didn’t deserve to be treated like crap, and that I would be moving on. I printed off divorce papers, and I have them most of the way filled out. I just need to get all of our bills together, and take copies of them, and write out all the debt that needs to be paid off. It is going to be so much work, just because there are so many bills. I know that it is for the better. I just think it is going to be so strange to no longer be his wife.

Or to just not be a wife in general.

If I weren’t in school, I would run. Far away, as far and hard as possible. I do not do well with being in the same area as him. I don’t like knowing where he is, or not knowing where he is. I don’t like being able to call him, or not being able to call him. I want to just move on. I want to erase him from my life, remove the pictures from the walls, take the ring off, put all the memories in a box, and high up into a closet where they can collect dust, and become a “once upon a time..I was married.” But I live in a small town, people know I am married. I don’t want to go to court. I don’t want to deal with all the issues that are going to come with a


Thursday, July 22, 2010

I'll be seeing you..

Due to policies at my place of employment;
I will not be blogging until I get
my computer and internet
set up at home.

I will miss you all.
If you want to get ahold of me.

Please feel free to text me, or email me.

I will try to update as much as possible.

Justin and I are still not back together.
We havn't talked that much.
School is going amazingly.
I am loving it.
I have a four day weekend starting tomorrow
I am so freaking excited. I plan on tanning,
and lounging, and spending time with my dogs.

and homework. :)

With Love,

Monday, July 19, 2010

i hate loving you.

it's over.

he told me today.
it's over.
he's getting the papers.

we're getting a divorce.

no more being mrs. holland. :(
i mean so little.
i get a break up phone call.
and i called him. he didn't even call me.



Once I got off work,
V, my sisters and I went down
to BMD, it was really stupid.
As much as I love seeing people
that I don't really like, it was still
nice to get out of the house.
A bunch of us went back to my
house and had a wild and crazy


I hung out at my parents,
went swimming with the girls
& Meg and her fam.
Then I headed home around eight
and crashed out on my couch with the dogs.


Worked til 3:30, went home
and laid on my couch til seven something.
Went outside, picked up
of beer cans and bottles.
Honestly people--why do you throw
your cans into my yard? Especially
when there is a garbage can for cans
right outside the door. Grr.
I went to bed early.

I am pretty lame, especially when J
is not here. I miss having things to do.
I miss having someone to lay
on the couch and veg with. I hate
that he and I are talking, but that
we are not hanging out.
I just want to be us again. :(

Sunday, July 18, 2010

this is all I need to make me happy. ♥

love. ♥

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love which any of us can convince ourselves we are.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

Quote from Captain Corelli's Mandolin
St. Augustine

party @ my house. ♥

Friday night;
I went a little crazy.
I cried. I yelled. I puked.
I got drunk.
It was out of control.
I was out of control.
I miss J.
a lot.

I do not want to be sad.
I do not want to be single.
I want to be his wife.
I want to be a good wife.
I know that we can work through
things, and that we will always
be together, no matter what.

We have overcame so many
things, big and small, that I know
that we will be able to overcome

Will we make it?
I am not sure.
I hope so, but I honestly
do not know.

*Thank you for all of your support and kind words, they help so much.


Friday, July 16, 2010

quotes from last night;

"..the only better way to end a horrible day, is to hear that not only does he regret you, but you are the biggest mistake he has ever made.."

"..the only thing better than crying your way through a bottle of wine on the bathroom floor, is watching a cheesy movie on disney chanell eating an entire {BIG} bag of funyuns.."

" cannot always be the fixer. you have to let him go. he doesn't want to be fixed."

My husband and I are having problems.
We've always had some sort of issues.
We've gone to couselors. We've talked about our issues.
Nothing seems to work.

He wants out. He says that all I do is complain and nag at him.
Honestly, I don't feel like I nag or complain.
He made plans with me to hang out, and bailed.
I got upset, and because I got upset he went to stay
with his sister. He says I am a problem causer.
I really do not try to cause problems.

I guess that if he really wants out, then who am I
to beg and plead, after so many years, of fighting.
Of begging, pleading, tears, problems.
I should just let him go.

It is going to be one of the hardest things,
but deep down, I almost want the same thing
he does. We have become just really good roomates.
It will be easier to be single while I am going to school.
I won't feel guilty for staying up late, and doing homework.

I really don't know how this will end up, if we will
get a divorce, if we will stay together.

for now, i am just going to sit here and mope.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

this girl CAN write.

{i'm a slacker.♥}

I know that I have been really bad about writing any type of post with substance. I apoligize. I have been pretty stressed out, but not for any reason.

   School is really making me nervous, not so much the school work, but more of the unknown. I already feel like I am so busy, with very little time to get everything done, and I am now adding 20 less hours to get things done, a week. I will go to work from 7:45-4:15 {m-f} and then 5:40-10:40 {m-thur} I will be at school, soo my weekends are going to be my time to get the house clean, my homework caught up, and spend time with Justin. I hope it all works out, and that I become a kick ass time manager. :)

  I don't know if you all read the post about me removing a certain person from my life, but it is all over. All is said and done, and really there isn't much left in my life to say she was ever there in the first place. I was so frustrated that she had bailed on me sooo many times. For my birthday, I had made plans to go to a wine tasting, she bailed on that--and thhhhen she goes to a wine tasting with her friends- honestly? Uhh. Whatever- QUIT TRYING TO BE ME. I am just so glad to have the friends that I have, and to not have to deal with all the crap. You know when you have those friends, and you can just tell that they talk crap about you, with their other friends, because they talk crap about their other friends with you? Whatev. Sorry. Just needed to vent.

I am pretty much loving my hair. The brown in my hair is pretttty awesome. :)

   Alright, well that is all, I will post more later. I just got back from lunch- I am stuffed, and I want a nap.

Just Thursday ♥

Outside my window.. it's going to be HOT!

The time is.. 7:47am, juuuust got to work. :)

Today I feel.. stressed, I start school next week, and there is sooo much that I still need to do.

I am thinking.. that these apples dipped in caramel are the best invention evvver.

At the moment, I am thankful.. for school to start, I need a distraction from my "real" life. :)

I am going.. to spend eight hours at work, three hours in a school meeting, and then go home and go to bed.

I am wearing.. black scrub bottoms, coral shirt, white sweater.

I wish.. I could find a new job, with a little less hours, that paid as good as my job, but that was closer to my home.

I am reading.. nothing. Soon, I will be reading school books. :)

I am working on.. not losing my mind, stressing.

I am hoping.. that a lot of people show up for camping this next weekend.

I am hearing.. music, doors opening and closing, the copy machine.

Around the house.. a BOMB went off. I need to clean sooo bad, but cannot get motivated to do it.

I bet you didn't know.. I have a dark brown streak in my blonde hair.

One of my favorite.. colors is yellow.

My weekend plans include.. surprisingly..nothing. I am going to get stuff for school, work, lounge, and get my house deep cleaned.

Join the Fun! Copy & Paste and fill it out on your blog!

*Make sure to LINK UP

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

husband survey ♥

The Hunky Husband Survey

What is his name? Justin Holland

How long have you been married? Just under a year.

How long did you date? Just under three years eight months. :)

How old is he? He is 22, he'll be 23 in September. 

Who eats more? Justin, somtimes, there are def. times when I can eat him out of house and home. :)

Who said I love you first? Justin, about two weeks into our relationship, he said "You know we are going to get married" I said-- Oh yeah? He said, "Yep, because I love you."

Who is taller? Justin. By a little bit.

Who sings better? Oh gosh, we are about tied. :) Neither one of us sing well, and most of the time Justin just puts words in there where they don't belong. :)

Who is smarter? Justin, for the most part..but I am book smart.

Whose temper is worse? It depends on the day, usually his.

Who does the laundry? We both wash and dry laundry--I always fold. If it is left up to Justin they get thrown on the couch in a pile.

Who does the dishes? Uhm. Justin and I both do.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Me, closes to the wall.

Who pays the bills? Me. I am pretty much in charge of most bills.

Who mows the lawn? I mow the front, he mows the back. :)

Who cooks dinner? Both, mostly him, since he has been laid off.

Who drives when you are together? Me most of the time.

Who is more stubborn? We are both VERY stubborn. Probablly the most is me..

Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Neither of us, we are always right. But on special occasions we will both admit we are wrong.

Whose parents do you see the most? Mostly my parents, we see his parents every so often.

Who has more friends? We share a lot of the same friends.

Who has more siblings? I have 3, he has a lot. I am not even sure how many, they are from different marriages, but I think he has..8? So he wins. :)

Was it love at first site? Oh yes, tall, tan, blond hair, blue eyes. :) 


{Weekend Wrap-Up}


After having a bunch of people
over for my birthday the night
before, we decided to just keep
the BBQ, beer drinking fun going.
We had a bunch more people come
over. It was so much fun, we BBQed
hamburgers and hot dogs. I got
a little wild and crazy, was drinking
vodka red bull, and chasing it with wine..
straight from the bottle.
classy. i know.
{I have a story from that night, that
I will post at the bottom. :) It's great}


My Great-Grandma had her 87th birthday party.
J and I went out there with the rest of the fam.
It was pretty fun. We didn't stay that long, because
we had plans to meet up with one of J's friends and
his girlfriend, and we all went swimming. It was so
much fun! I wish I were smaller, I would swim all the time.
But when we are out at the river, I really don't care,
the lake is a different story. :)

After swimming & the birthday, we went to the rodeo.
It was a lot of fun. A little drama, as there always is,
when all four of us Kronberger girls get together. :)
Rowdy Rowdy. Here are some pictures;


Justin and I lounged on the couch and watched movies.
We then went swimming with a group of friends.
And bbqed at my mom's. It was such a relaxing fun till weekend.
I really has a blast. I cannot wait for this coming weekend.

July's in Cottage Grove are completely action packed.
The weekend we just had was the rodeo, this coming
weekend is Bohemia Mining days, the weekend after
that is the car cruise, and camping. I am so excited.

I have some of the best friends, and I am actually
not regretting any of my decisions to remove people
from my life, Justin is kinda upset, but really, when I make
a friend, I expect that person to be a friend.

Friday, July 9, 2010

You know the drill. Fill 'em in. LINK UP!

You know the drill by now! Fill 'em in and link up!

1. My favorite thing about this week has been my birthday! BBQ with friends & family. A short week, and a short day today, life is really good.

2. The weather this week has been HOT! Oregon - 98 degrees...these two words usually don't go together. But I am loooovvvving it.

3. The last (interesting) item I received in the mail was a purse for subcribing to Glamour. :)

4. The last movie I saw was..hmm.. I am not sure. I watch a lot of movies.

5. If I could be doing anything I felt like today I would have skipped work and slept in. I drank wine last night, ate yummy fruit salad, stayed up til two in the morning, and woke up at 5:10..I am tired, and I need sleep, luckily I am only working til 12:45. :)

6. As a teenager I was so ridiculously full of myself and not so nice....glad we all grow up :) .

7. I wish I could trade lives for the day with Ellie. She is inside, air conditioned, chillin sleeping in the bed, or sleeping on the couch. The only part that is different between her and I, is that I don't sleep all day. :) But I am in a/c.

Hope you all have a great weekend!


Thursday, July 8, 2010

26-50 Enjoyable Occupations for Shelby ♥

{stolen post idea from diamondsonhersoles}
Here is a little article I read on job satisfaction based solely on color preferences. It is worth checking out this page and even clicking and doing the full survey, it only takes about 5 minutes. I will warn you that if you want your "Top 25 Jobs" though, you will have to pay $9.95.

26-50 “Enjoyable” Occupations for Shelby

26 Office/Administrative Manager or Supervisor 1,457,200 1,617,500 160,300 11 More Info

27 Marketing or Advertising Manager 44,600 43,900 -700 -2 More Info

28 Social Worker 73,400 82,800 9,400 13 More Info

29 Computer Programmer 426,700 414,400 -12,300 -3 More Info

30 Customer Service Representative 2,252,400 2,651,900 399,500 18 More Info

31 Educational, Vocational, or School Counselor 275,800 314,400 38,600 14 More Info

32 Education Administrator (elementary or secondary school) 230,600 250,400 19,800 9 More Info

33 Social and Human Service Assistant 352,000 431,500 79,500 23 More Info

34 Teacher/Instructor, Adult Literacy, Remedial Education or GED 96,000 110,400 14,400 15 More Info

35 College Professor 1,699,200 1,956,100 256,900 15 More Info

36 Compensation Benefits and Job Analysis Specialist 121,900 150,600 28,700 24 More Info

37 Computer Control Operator and Programmer 152,900 146,200 -6,700 -4 More Info

38 Retail Salesperson 4,489,200 4,863,900 374,700 8 More Info

39 Mechanical Engineer 238,700 253,100 14,400 6 More Info

40 Management Analyst 746,900 925,200 178,300 24 More Info

41 Financial Manager 539,300 580,500 41,200 8 More Info

42 Human Resource, Training, or Labor Relation Specialist 224,600 271,900 47,300 21 More Info

43 Painter or Paperhanger 442,800 473,600 30,800 7 More Info

44 Middle School Teacher (not special or vocational education) 659,500 760,600 101,100 15 More Info

45 Electrical Engineer 157,800 160,500 2,700 2 More Info

46 Receptionist or Information Clerk 1,139,200 1,312,100 172,900 15 More Info

47 Daycare Teacher 457,200 543,900 86,700 19 More Info

48 Counselor 113,300 140,400 27,100 24 More Info

49 Psychologist 152,000 168,800 16,800 11 More Info

50 Executive Secretary or Administrative Assistant 1,594,400 1,798,800 204,400 13 More Info

i feel..

Wanna play along?! Go here. Pretty nifty huh?!

What a night. Yesterday, when I got off work.
I ran around, mailed letters, went to my grandma's,
cashed checks, grocery shopped, picked up Justin,
hung out at my SIL,went home, and that's when the fun began.

Cut up a watermelon, cantaloupe, honey dew, two lbs of
strawberries, and made a HUGE fruit salad. Boils a dozen eggs
15 potatos, cut up pickles, and onions, for potato salad
{that I am going to be making tonight}.

When I put the potatos on to boil, I also had taken chicken
pot pie out of the oven and stuck in on top of the oven,
I turned on the burner, and went back to cutting up
the fruit, then all of a sudden
I jumped, Justin jumped.
I had turned on the wrong burner, and it had literally
blown up the glass dish that dinner was in,
scattering hot chicken pot pie, and broken glass
It took so much to get it all cleaned up, a 1,000
papertowels later it looked a lot better. I am not
known for my cooking skills, but the things that I do
make usually turn out pretty tasty. :)

So, I am hopeing that everything goes as planned,
and that the food turns out alright, and we get
everything all picked up, and organized before
people get to the house. :)

I will try to post pictures tomorrow.
I shall be drinking wine.

Once again this week I am linking up with Abby at Murdock's Mama for the weekly edition of Just Thursday! :) If you want to join in the fun click on the link and go to her blog and link up!!

Outside my window..there is not a cloud in the sky

The time is.. 9:50am

Today I feel.. amazing. I am happy. Really HAPPY.

I am thinking.. that TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!

At the moment, I am thankful.. that the sun finally decided to come to Oregon for more than a day!

I am going.. to run to my mother in-laws on my lunch, buy burrcetts, a coffee table, and clean my house up the rest of the way, whip up a potato salad, and get the burgers and hot dogs all together. :)

I am wearing.. scrubs, green shirt, and black sweater.

I wish.. that I didn't have to clean my house, and that someone would clean it for me.

I am reading.. nothing. I have a bunch of book to read though. :)

I am working on.. nothing really.

I am hoping.. the work day goes by quickly, so that I can get all my stuff together and done, and enjoy the BBQ tonight.

I am hearing.. shakira? Lol. The lady in the cafe is blasting it.

Around the house.. needs to be swept and mopped up and some boxes moved outside. :)

I bet you didn't know.. I am wearing glasses today, something that I don't usually do. :)

One of my favorite.. sweaters is my green sweater, which I haven't worn in forever. :)

Join the Fun! Copy & Paste and fill it out on your blog!

*Make sure to LINK UP

Have a great Thursday everyone

♥ I am officially 24! ♥