Sunday, April 19, 2009

when the street lights come on & the fireflies flicker.

I have recently found out the true colors of the one's around me. I choose to live my life. Being with a man that not one person in my family agree's with. I love him. I love the way I feel in his arms; the way he kisses my forehead; and does anything that I could ever want. I love his spontaneous, and the way he would give me his last breathe so I could live on.

He is amazing with children and believe that there is nothing better than watching his neice and nephew run outside and play. I can imagine us sitting on our front porch watching our babies playing in the yard, playing with the dogs. I truely have never been this happy. There are still days when I feel as though something is missing. That this life is supposed to have something more. More meaning. But I am just not sure what. So I pray, and ask the Lord for strength and ask him to help me find my way, whether it is leading me toward something greater; like a different city, or a life as mother.wife.sister.daughter.aunt.sister-in-law.cousin.

My family thinks that Justin breaks my heart. I wish that they could see that in the past couple years; They have hurt me more than anyone. I used to consider my sisters three of my best friends. They would have been my bridesmaids. My girls, the first people I would of called to tell I was pregnant; Now they can find out all of the important things from someone else in the family. They have found their older-sister role model. And I am so proud that they can call someone like that their older sister. Someone that has not ever worked; still doesn't work. I am just happy that my sisters will grow up with her as a role model.

I am not bitter; nor will I ever be. I love those girls more than they will ever know. I may be the one that sits in the background at graduation and goes unnoticed, or the one that sits on the other side of the bleachers to watch her play basketball. And the only way I will see them is if; I look on their myspace. But such is life; when they choose to not have you be apart of their life.

I am headed to the beach; to take some pictures and just relax. spending the day with my husband and other family members.

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