I had my first week and second week of school, which didn’t suck as bad as I thought it would.
I worked really hard and got a lot of my classes pretty far ahead.
So on the days that I want to slack, I am totally able to.
I just had a four day weekend, which wasn’t to bad.
Justin and I talked a little bit, hung out for the day, and by the end of the day
I was crying, and cried most of the two hour drive home.
I realized that he and I are no longer, Justin & Shelby, but just Justin. And. Shelby.
We have become two separate people. We somehow went from being married and happy to just being. And honestly when I look at him, I no longer recognize him as a man that I stood in front of my friends and family and told them that I would love him for the rest of my life. I am more upset with the fact that he and I didn’t even make it one year married. Given it has been the roughest year that Justin and I have ever had. We dealt with infidelity, lying, lack of income, job loss, loss of family members, jail, fighting, money problems, bills, so many things that I believed we could overcome, yet didn’t.
I decided after this weekend and spending the day pretty well being ignored by Justin, that I didn’t deserve to be treated like crap, and that I would be moving on. I printed off divorce papers, and I have them most of the way filled out. I just need to get all of our bills together, and take copies of them, and write out all the debt that needs to be paid off. It is going to be so much work, just because there are so many bills. I know that it is for the better. I just think it is going to be so strange to no longer be his wife.
Or to just not be a wife in general.
If I weren’t in school, I would run. Far away, as far and hard as possible. I do not do well with being in the same area as him. I don’t like knowing where he is, or not knowing where he is. I don’t like being able to call him, or not being able to call him. I want to just move on. I want to erase him from my life, remove the pictures from the walls, take the ring off, put all the memories in a box, and high up into a closet where they can collect dust, and become a “once upon a time..I was married.” But I live in a small town, people know I am married. I don’t want to go to court. I don’t want to deal with all the issues that are going to come with a