Monday, September 27, 2010

no more [9.9.2010]

I know that I have not written in a really long time. So many things have been going on. Even now, my stomach is in knots. Just the knowing that the end of Shelby & Justin is upon us. I finally told him “No more.”

I received a text from one of his best friends telling me pretty much everything about Justin, and all of his adventures since he and I had been “living apart, but working on getting back together”. There are numerous girls, and not the type of girls that you bring home to your momma, or even the kind that have ever set foot in a church, let alone a shower. When I asked Justin about it, at first he denied everything, and then he let it all come out. I didn’t cry. I felt nothing.

That is all I feel; nothing. He left me with little bits and pieces of myself, and then he told me he wanted to get back together, and I let him back in, and once again when he left, he took some more of the broken chips with him. Even yesterday when he told me that he didn’t want to fight with me, and that he doesn’t want to be with anyone else, and that he wants to work on us, I honestly sat there on the phone dumbfounded---what? You just told me everything about you and four other girls [that he was willing to admit] and now you are asking me to forgive you and allow you back into my life. No more.

No more hurt, no more lies, no more hidden details of life.

He was my husband. I stood up there in front of my friends and family and pledged to him that I would love him, and take care of him, and do everything in my power to make him happy, and now he is nothing more than a liar, a cheater, and someone that when I have to write my last name it makes me sick to my stomach

And I work in a job where I must sign my name three times after every patient. Do you know how bad that sucks? I hate it. I am on the verge of tears. I want to get drunk, sloppy, wild, make an ass out of myself drunk.

There are girls that email me, and try to start things with me, about Justin. Justin’s girls. The girls that he chooses over me, and the dogs, chooses over the house payment, and the bills, chooses over sleeping in a bed next to me. Those girls email me and try to get to me.

& You think you can do anything to hurt my feelings? I don’t have any, anymore.
Karma is a bitch, but a wife scorned is way worse.

1 comment:

  1. anger is a more productive emotion then hurt. Maybe its time you go with it...( the anger, not the ex)


I heart comments. I will get back to you if you comment, either by email or by going to your blog & commenting back. :)