I am going to be starting a new blog;

I have fallen head-over-heals IN LOVE(!!!!) with food blogging. I have two very very very favorite new sites, that I cannot live one day without.

Numero Uno; http://steamykitchen.com/

Numero Dos; http://thepioneerwoman.com/

They are both amazing cooks, and have thee best picture essay's to go with the recipe. Also after watching Julie and Julia.. I have decided I can do that. I need to get a new camera..that is for sure. But after that, I fully intend to make yummy yummy food and blog about it. First and formost.. I am going to post one of my favorite favorite recipes. One that I learned from my mom and she got it from her mom. Bacon wraps; mmmmmmamazing. :]

Grandma Shrock's Bacon Wraps
Cook time: 45 minutes

Things you will need; thin sliced bacon, whole water chestnuts, brown sugar, ketchup, tooth picks.

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees

2. Slice the bacon in half, so that you have about 3-4 inches of bacon to work with. Put whole water chestnut at the top of one end and roll into the bacon. Secure with a toothpick and set aside in bake dish. Repeat- One package of bacon usually uses 2 cans of water chestnuts.

3. Cook the bacon wraps for about 30 minutes, until the bacon looks almost fully cooked. While bacon wraps are cooking, in a medium sized mixing bowl mix together equal parts brown sugar and ketchup. Should be enough to coat the amount of bacon wraps you made.

4. Once bacon wraps look almost done, pour sauce over wraps and put back in oven. Cook another 15 minutes until sauce is bubbling. Let cool and enjoy.

* I gave this recipe to a friend and she asked me what I did with the left overs, and how long they lasted.. I didn't have the answer because they are always the first things to go and we never have any left over. :]

I will make these soon, and put up pictures when I do. If anyone makes them, please let me know how you likes them. :]

Enjoy.

Merry Merry Merry Christmas. <3

What an amazing day that we had today.

I worked last night til 9:00, which was nice to be off before ten-eleven at night. We ended up going by my sister's to check on her after her surgery yesterday. We went home and watched the movie that Emeli got for me. Save the last dance.. I am sooo happy that I finally got the movie. I love it. I have wanted it for so long, and had not been able to find it anywhere to buy it. So J and I watched that and went to bed around 1 something.

We woke up around 11, and got ready for Milly's.. Stopped by Starbuck's, bought some last minute gifts. And then headed that way. It was so fun to watch all the kids open their presents and I got some really awesome presents. I loved all of the things that I got. Christmas has been amazing.

And nowwww.. I am at work. Soon I shall be off and then I am going to go back to Mil's and hang out, and go shoppppping tomorrow. :]

100 posts; whattt?!

I have decided to write a list of 100 things; Things I love, places, pictures, wants, needs, quotes, people, memories...anything and everything shelby..


enjoy; sh.



1. Blogging; I loveeee blogging. I love being able to write anything that I need to get off my chest. I love reading other peoples views, and thoughts. I love that I can get a picture into someone's life..and they don't even know that I was there.



2. My Grandma S.- She reads my blog. I am not sure how often she does, cause she is kinda a busy lady..but she used to. I was amazed at my wedding shower when she knew more about me than my does. Which is awesome, since she and I have never really been that close, except for the last year, she and I have become closer. She did such an amazing job raising my mother and her sisters and brother. They are all solid women, and that is in large part of my grandma.



3. Katie; My beautiful cousin who started me blogging. :] She will soon be back from six months oversea's. I am so excited for her to be blogging again, and to see all of her pictures.



4. My Great-Grandma Ber; She is funny, and fiesty, and crazy. She is strong, and beautiful. She is quick witted, she is a mother, sister, aunt, grandma, great-grandma. She is one of the reason's I am the person I am today.





5. The sunrise; driving to work- this was what I got to see. I love knowing that each morning is a fresh day, untouched by anything wrong.


6. The sunset; While hunting with J, I snapped this picture. I love watching the sunset with him.






7. My family; Dad, Mum, Beauty Queen, Basketball, Daredevil.






8. dad; My dad..how can I even begin to explain all that he has done for my family. He is such a strong person, and hardworking. He works as many hours as possible, and goes out of his way to help anyone that needs it. He always has something funny to say.






9. mum; Mum..Sharon as the daredevil would call her; She's beautiful and graceful. Gracious. Giving. Gifted. She's hardworking. i cannot put a number on the times that my mom has been there for me when I needed someone to be there for me.






10. beauty-queen; One of my best friends. She is always up for a random trip to the beach, or Mexican food on a friday night. She is beautiful and kind. She is strong-willed, and honest. She would go to the moon and back if you asked her to.



11. basketball; KK..the one person is our family that will be famous. She is an inspiration to me. She set out to play college basketball and she is. She has the prettiest blond hair, the color that I dream of, I would love to not have to color my hair, and have it naturally that color.



12. daredevil; the littlest k. Oh how that girl is giving every last effort to have an amazing wild and crazy life. She is gorgeous, and smart. She is someone you want to be friends with, and someone you want to have around. She is up for any adventure..getting mudding, riding motorcycles, coast trips, anything fun.
13. This coat; because I am totally and fully in love with it.

14. My G-unit; She's AWESOME. AWESOME AWESOME. I looove my grandma, she is probablly the coolest person I have ever met. I love our coffee dates, and all of the fun trips that we've gone on. I love that we share the same likes and dislikes. And that she is always there for me whenever I need her, or her couch to crash out on, or a cup of coffee when I read my schedule wrong. There are so many things that I could say about my grandma..but I just don't think everyone would want to read the novel. :] hehe. I loooove her.

15. This picture frame.I love it. It's from Kohl's. I have the perfect set of pictures that would look amazing in it. *christmas wishlist.

16. A horse riding/clothing story; So when I was about 17, I was a pretty avid horse person. I rode pretty much every day, and was pretty much on the level of hick. I had just bought this adorble tank top button up shirt for like $50 bucks [I know..my mom almost killed me. But I had a job..and I paid for it myself] So the third time I wore it..[yes..third time], I was riding a horse at my grandma's. There was someone there to look at the horse or to watch me ride or something..and once I was done being a badass horse person, I went to dismount..my shirt was untucked..it caught on the saddle horn right as I jumped. Yep.. Shirt ripped..clean off. Me standing in all my glory in just a bra and a ripped up shirt. I just said- "Well that was graceful.." Everyone watching [4-6 people] started dying of laughter- one of thee most embarassing moments in my life.

17. warm.fuzzy.boots.rock.my.socks.off

18. Milly; Justin's sister. My sister in-law. I love her. I could not imagine my life without her in it. She has made life so much fun in these last couple months. She has opened my eyes in so many ways, and I know that I will never be able to thank her for all the things big and small that she says or does for Justin and I. She truely is a blessing.

19. My cell phone. Oh how I love my cell phone.

20. Loggers daughter; Enough said.

21. My wedding day; August 8th, 2009. It was beautiful and fun.

22. Hunting. I love hunting. I have never killed anything..other than a skunk. But it really is a good time riding around with Justin, or hunting with my dad.

23. friends; kd & ac. my two closest girls. i love them.
24. dutch bros; coffee from the gods; totally and fully absolute goodness.

25. laughing
26. taking pictures ; I love taking pictures of anything and everything.
27. dinner dates; I have amazing wonderful group of friends, that get together pretty regularly for dinner dates.

28. coffee dates with justin; it's our "bootcall" for married people- a text.."wanna meet up?".."yeah..11:30 work?".."yep..meet me at starbucks." lol. :]

29. movies [any movie.]; J and I are movie addicts. We always rent movies, go to the movies.

30. hair bobbers; they make me feel young.

31. inside jokes; middle school && high school conversations.

32. the beach [the randomer the better. && walking on the beach]

33. bumpin to music [loud, windows down, sunglasses on, hair blowin music]

34. my dogs; [ellie, tucker && jake. the three bestest dogs in the word.]
35. makin new friends

36. northface

37. starbucks

38. weiner dogs

39. sappy love songs

40. swoopy bangs

41. flip flops year round; yes- i am crazy. crazy crazy. I wear flip flops YEAR ROUND.

41. Cold Play, Switchfoot, Theory of a Deadman, Yellowcard, and Adele.

42. permanent markers

43. sushi

44. getting my nails done

45. snow trips

46. being an aunt.[g,c,a,s,m]

47. the looks i get from Justin; the looks of sometimes confusion..happiness, hope, love.

48. My birthday. July 8th

49. Making people laugh.

50. OTTER POPS.

51. Kissing. [forehead. mouth. arm. cheek.

52. Portland.

53. High heels.

54. Lipgloss.

55. Make-up.

56. Straight hair.

57. Swimming.

58. Innertubing.

59. Hoodies.

60. Christmas lights. [ I have every intention of driving around in the eugene-area to look at all the christmas lights that are up. There are some people that you have to pay a small fee to go look at them, because their power bill is so high.

61. Coloring; Christina and I have the best time coloring. She is amazing.

62. Talks with my mom.

63. Saturday nights.

64. Dressing up.

65. cooking.[ I would really like to have a cooking blog. I am a pretty good cook, and I love trying new recipes. And cookbooks are my latest addiction.]

66. My job; My job makes me truely happy. I love that it is an escape from reality. That I work with such amazing people, and that I never have a bad day at work. I love knowing my job and being good at it. I like being considered for projects and doing a good job on them.

67. ferry rides; they remind me of seattle; seattle is a dirty dirty little secret of mine. I am one-hundred and ten percent in love with seattle. I have every intention of having an affair with seattle. It is beautiful, full of life, giving, recieving, amazing, breathtaking. When I think of seattle; my mind calms. I cannot wait to move there, not that I have any set date when I will be living there, but one day..I will shop for dinner at Pike's market, grabbing fresh vegetables and fruits, and getting fresh seafood from the market, and a beautiful bunch of flowers to take home, sitting in an adorable appartment. The idea of seattle is like a secret life to me. A walk away plan. Worker-bee by day and someone completely different than I am now. Seattle; you are my everything.

68. old suitcases; I should have been born in Paris, around the the 1950-60. I would love to have been one of the rich, women. Such as Julia Child's.. :]

69. chocolate cake; When I was a junior in highschool, I went on a school trip to Kentucky, we were visiting the stonewall, somewhere in Georgia; And we visited stone mountain---

While visiting the park, they had a little cafe and I had thee biggest, most delicious chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. I was seriously in heaven, then about 1/2 way done with the piece of cake- DOWNPOUR..EXTREME DOWNDOUR, resulting in me and our group- running for cover && me dropping my cake on the ground. *tear*

70. black pens; I don't use blue or anyother color. Black & only black.

71. laundry lines; My parents have a laundry line at their house, my mom tries to hang clothes out there year round. During the summer she always has an american flag towel hanging toward the road.My parents have an amazing piece of property. I love it. It is my mom's dream house. We used to drive past it, before we bought it, and my mom would say " I am going to live here one day."

72. foreign languages; I really need to take spanish for Healthcare- It would help me advance so much in my career.

73. peppermint soap; mm. i.cannot.even.explain.my.love.for.peppermint.soap.

74. bicycles; I would really like a bike. One of the old fashioned ones, not that I have anywhere to ride it. But I imagine myself going to a lake house, or beach house to spend the summer and biking around the town. Then sitting out on the piers..fishing, or on the back porch writing a book, or blogging. Watching our grandkids playing in the sand, or even our kids.

75. art museums; people creations are addictive. I wonder where it all comes from, where the idea comes from or how one thing inspires you to do something totally different.

76. road trips; My family used to be pretty hardcore road trippers; Like 14 kids- 2 adults, two weeks of driving all over. Yes, two woman..two vehichles..14 kids..5-teenager. It really was a joyous event. We did Disneyland more than once, and "The Colorado Trip", Canada [where my mom had to leave her gun at the border. :) which always makes me smile..especially if you know my mom.] J and I road trip quite often..our honeymoon was a pretty awesome roadtrip.

77. crazy quilts; My mom has some of thee most amazing quilts. I love the idea of it. Also..my aunt Nicki..used to/still does belong to this club where people would send you quilt pieces..and you send them one. So you get like 50 [or how ever many people are in your group] pieces to make this quilt. That's AWESOME. I am artistcally challenged, so that whole making a quilt..probablly wouldn't work out that well for me.

78. polka dots; :]

79. open fields; My parents own- 15 acres of wonderful openess. I love it. Loooove it. When I was younger it was the field of many adventures; flashlight tag, hide and go seek in the dark, riding horses, riding 4-wheelers, eating pears. [Speaking of riding horses; One time..I was out riding my horse Jackie and there was quite a bit of water in the field, so we came to this one spot that was pretty deep and I asked her to walk through it, she wouldn't..so I pushed a little harder, she decided jumping it would be way easier. My first and only time jumping..really I do not understand how those "crazies" jump 8 feet..on the back of a horse. I know. I know. I am a wimp. :]

80. postcards; I love getting them. I sent out postcards from our honeymoon from different points in the trip. It was a nice little trip for my grandma ber to have something from. :]

81. attic bedrooms; I would love to have an attic bedroom. I think they are pretty awesome.

82. turquoise rings; turquoise is becoming one of my favorite things to wear.

83. daisies; daisies are so innocent. When I was in middle school, one of my first boyfriends..sent me daisies..to my house on Valentine's day. It pretty much made my life. :]

84. clover honey- on warm bisquits.

85. silly straws.

86. bare feet

87. birthday candles; 24 this year. I havn't had a birthday cake in years. Heck I havn't even had a birthday party in years. People don't even really call anymore.Justin always gets me something thoughtful. My Grandma S sends me a birthday card every year [which are always the best.] My G-Unit usually takes me to lunch..and my mom calls.. but other than that..Nothing really. Kinda sad. Actually.

88. tire swings; My parents have one, on the maple tree in the front yard.

89. sugar scrubs; I always feel so much lighter.

90. henna tattoos; saturday market. time with sisters. fresh fruit salad. flowers in bloom- those are all things that come to mind when I think of henna. I love the feel of it when it first goes on. Oh how I miss being young. I miss being someone that my sisters needed in their lives. Back when every decision I made for myself wasn't something that they didn't agree with. I am so tired of having to choose between my life and the life that people want me to live.

91. ocean waves; crashing on the beach- We went to the coast for the weekend a couple years ago with another couple. And on our way back from dinner there was a huge storm and it started to hail. The next morning while walking the beach, there was a purple foam all over. It was so crazy.

92. bubble wands; Delight Valley always did a huge end of year party when I was in elementary school and they had some of the biggest bubble makers there.

93. cornbread; with honey butter. I crave cornbread and chili at the randomess times. :]

94. I used to love Christmas..We used to go to the grange [for my mom's mom [rip-gg] said of the family.], my grandpa curtis's house [rip- my mom's dad], my aunt susan's [my dad's aunt on his dad's side.], and my grandma pat's [my dad's mom.] and then Justin's sisters. All in a matter of two days. There has been so much drama the last two years that, last year Justin wasn't at my family's events and there was only two to go to. And dinner with Justin's family was awkward. This year..I have been told by my lovely sisters that Justin is not welcome at any of the family events. They are so hurtful. So so so, hurtful. They think that by telling me to do one thing, that I will just do it, because they said so. I never asked for their advice when everything happened between J and I..I asked for their support and because he and I have decided to go to counseling and see where it leads us, they are against us, and saying that I am pushing them away. I will never understand that. They are okay with telling people in the family what a bad guy J is. And making me be the outsider. Talking about it as much as possible. The best part is that they go to church, and preach and "live the christian life".. well LAST TIME I CHECKED- THE ONLY ONE TO JUDGE- WAS THE LORD HIMSELF. So, ladies..go read the bible. eh?

95. super heroes; When I was a nanny, the little boy that I watched looved super heroes. He would dress up as batman, superman, spider man, all of the different ones. I love the innocence of playing super heroes. I would like to just dress up as something and become someone else.

96. pink flamingos;
97. a child's innocence; I say it over and over again. But I love it. I love the things they say, the questioning looks. Everything about it.

98. roller coasters; I am such an adrenalin person. I love fast, high, toppsey turvey. FUUUN.

99. december 10th; one of the happiest and saddest days of my life. The day that Justin asked me to be his for the rest of his life. The day that I became his girfriend, and the day that I knew that my life would never be the same, and that I had found the one person that I would be with for the rest of my life. I truely do love Justin, even if sometimes I don't show it to him the way that I should. And saddest; One of my best friends passed away. Dallas; He was such an amazing person. So strong and funny. He was smart. He had so much going for him, and he was just sad. I am sad that I wasn't able to do more for him. I had just talked to him..and then I got the call. The hardest call I have ever taken in my life. It doesn't seem real to me that it has been a year since he left us.
100. and last but not least; thanks. If you made it this far, then THANK YOU. Thanks for reading all of my thoughts, hopes, loves, dislikes.
sh. <3

moving forward with counseling.

I know that many many many people have opinions on what I should or should not do with my marriage. And I appreciate the advice, but I am going to what I feel is best for me. I am not saying that J and I will be married this time next year, but this time next year I will either be in a happy and healthy relationship or I will be divorced and experiencing closure. I am not going to counseling to save my marriage. I am going to heal the wounds and to get clossure from the events that have traumatized me. I know that I am not okay with being cheated on, I am not okay with J lying to me. I am not okay with him not working. But also I am NOT ready to walk away flames blowing and word spitting telling him how much I hate him. I want to end on terms that allow us both to move on.

We have agreed that, that is the path that we will take. Monday went really well. I loved talking to the lady and he also had an equally rewards experience with his lady.

I will keep you all updated.

sh.

to counseling we go;

Tomorrow; J and I are going to counseling. I know that most will not agree with my decisions to give my marriage every last ounce of myself..and try my hardest to make it work. And I am okay with that. I am strong and beautiful..but I am not ready to walk away. I am not ready to accept defeat.

Yes..my marriage is hard. Harder than I ever expected. But I love being married. I love being J's wife, and waking up next to him. I know that there are going to be hard times to come. I don't know where J and I will be six months from now..or even a month from now. But if he and I do end up calling it quits and getting a divorce..then we will both be doing so with the understanding that we gave it our all.

I have always been the person that when things got tough, I dropped everything and left. With J I don't leave.. I get mad, upset, hurt, and so many other things, but I don't ever just drop him and leave it all behind. I have made a life with him. He is my husband.

twenty-three and getting a divorce

On August 8th, 2009..I stood before my family and friends and J's family and friends and told all those people that I would love, and be faithful, and take care of him through sickness and health, richer or poorer, til death do us part. J said the same things; he didn't uphold his end of the bargain.

On November 22, 2009..I found out that my husband had, had an affair and that he was going to be moving outand that he was hanging out with a girl..not the girl that he had slept with in the very first place. I have since asked him to move out, and I am filing for a divorce. I do not hate J. I do not wish bad things to happen to him. I don't really wish anything for him, not a long life, not children, not anything.

I am twenty-three years old. I am beautiful. I am strong. I have an amazing job, that I love. And a family that supports me in more ways than I could ever realise. I am going to get through this. And I will not let him bring me down anymore. I know that I am not the problem. I know that I did not do this, and that he has made his own decisions that have affected our lives as husband and wife. I will not dwell on the past or the fact that I am devastated. I will go to the counselor and I will grow from the experience. And I will hope and pray that one day I will find a man that will love me, for me, and not for someone that I am supposed to be.

I really need to be happy for myself.

Christmas Wish List. <3

So, since I have nothing better to do while I am work; I decided to put together a little christmas wish list. :]

simply smitten. ♥

Lately, I have needed a little extra boost in the department of being happy. I don't regret any decions that I have made. I just wish that some of the people in my life made better decisions. So, I have decided to make this post about things that make me happy. Things that help me to remember the brighter side of life. :]



a. my grandma pat; today i was able to have coffee with her, and catch up on all the random things going on in our lives. i miss being able to see her all the time. i usually work so much, that i don't have time to see her. today i thought i had to be to work at 7:45, and when i got here, i wasn't scheduled until 9:00..very sad for me, because i really needed to sleep in but oh wellll.



b. pina coloda lip gloss; because it is yummy, last forever, and it really makes my day when i reach into my purse and find it on the first try without having to dig or search or even try.



c. my sisters; they can be such pains in the ass. but really those three girls mean the world to me. i can't believe how grown up everyone is getting. emeli and i are becoming closer and closer, and i love that we have our justins. :] and kaitlyn; oh how i love watching kait play basketball. and kendal; my crazy crazy kendal. i cannot believe that she is already driving and dating, and all of the random crazy things that she says or does.



d. tucker, ellie, jake; my dogs- oh those dogs. i luurve mr. tucker. he is such a good dog, and it makes me laugh to watch him bounce across the bed, and then he burns around the house and the way elli looks at him like "what is your deal?" it makes me smile.



e. my job; i love it. i love coming to work. i love the people i work with. i love the company i work for. i wish that i could get a benefitted postion though. it would make me so happy to have a full time position here at the cottage grove location, but more and more postions are coming available in other places within the company and i am hoping to one day get a job within, full time.

life is just a bowl of..grapes?!?

I love my husband. I love waking up next to his face. I love thinking about our future children, and day dreaming about him rocking a baby or playing in the front yard with our son or daughter. I love that he has been there for me in so many ways.

But..I am so fed up with him not working. I don't get it. He has stopped looking for a job. I hear of jobs that are available, and other people tell him where to go apply..and he says he will. But he doesn't. He says he is not qualified and that he only wants to work in the woods. But there are not jobs there, and if a job does come up..there are 50 other guys that have worked in the woods their whole life looking for work.

We have talked about him going back to school. And he says he wants to. He just doesn't know what to do, or be, or how we are going to pay for it. I told him that there are so many options, and yet nothing. He still does nothing to move forward.

I am trying very hard to be nice about it. But I was raised to work as hard as possible to get better things in life. I work a ton of hours, and do everything in my power to be good at my job. And I feel cheated that he doesn't have to work, but gets to reap the reward of my paycheck. We are married. It is now our money. The selfish side of me says- Why?! Why should he get to go and do the fun things that I get to do. It is not his money. He didn't get coughed on by the sick kid, or b!tched out by the lady who wanted to be seen sooner. He doesn't come home with a pounding headache from staring at the computer for 8+ hours without glasses [when i really really need glasses, but don't have insurance or the money to go get them].

I work two jobs. Usually 6 days a week 8 plus hours and sometimes 7 or 12 days straight without a day off. Yes, we have money coming in, but when I get paid, the money goes straight to bills, and paying off debt. We spurlge and go out to dinner on the friday that I get paid, but other than that..I cook our meals. He does help out with that sometimes, but a lot of the time I cook and clean.

I am at the end of my rope. I guess I thought that when we got married that he would want to be stable. That he would want to have two incomes, work toward purchasing new cars, and getting into a house in town. But that isn't the case at all. He is okay with driving older cars, and just buying a newer used car. I am not. I do not want to drive a used car my entire life. I don't want to live in a rental my entire life. I want to own a house. These are all things that we disscussed before we got married, and it just seems like he was not present for those conversations..because he is not working toward anything.

I guess I am blessed that I love my job. That I love going into work, and being around my co-workers. Love working at the job of my dreams. I tried so hard to get on at the hospital and now that I have.. I don't want to work anywhere else. I could not imagine doing anything else. Which makes working long hours so much more tolerable.

I hope things start to change because I am not sure of how much I can take. I am a wife. Not a mother.

World; Meet Tucker.

Is he not the cutest thing in thee entire world. This is the newest addition to our family. I have been beyond baby crazy lately. And it has been the topic of many conversations and fights with my husband. That I want a baby here and now.. no acceptions.

Yesterday I was searching on craigslist, and I have wanted a doxi for the last couple years, and was going to get one, until I met Ellis, and fell in love with my bestie. :] Well.. On CL.. I found Tuck. I called when I got off work and met with the lady and instantly fell in love with him also. && That is how I ended up with my prince. :]

I think that our family is complete now. Three dogs, and two cats. Wooohooo. :]

Welll.. I need to think of some things to write about. Maybe I will do some survey's in here. To pass the time. :] Working a night shift. :]

pumpkin carving. :]

This last weekend J and I went to S&BIL house. Our Niece was carving her pumpkin. She wanted help soo bad, so uncle stepped in, and I started taking pictures. :] Here are a few from the night. <3

hunting with my husband. <3

Well, still no buck. I got 3 chances, with three different deer, yet they were all too small. They all were just little spikes. I was so disapointed. It has been pretty stormy lately so hopefully, if I am able to get out of work early enough I can get in a few good night hunts. I have a good feeling about this hunting season. Hoping that the weather stays nasty and cold, and then once hunting season is over, it gets nicer. :] I really want to do family pictures. :]

Love this pictue. :]
Cleaning off the glasses.

getting ready to walk into a unit.

one of my favorite.

hunting in the rain.

in god we trust.

"Sometimes i would like to ask God why he allows so much poverty, famine and injustice in the World when he could do something about it... but i am afraid he might ask me the same question."

-Anonymous

hunting.. cont.

Justin and I shall be out hunting for the next week.

Shall return..soon to the blog world. :]

hunting season. <3

hopefully. i will get a chance at a large deer, or frankly any deer at all, and i will be able to post lots of pictures of it on here. but until then, and until i can get my phone to work properly. i have three, from opening morning.

love watching the sun rise. :]

passanger seat. window down.

I wish you could see it in the pictures,

I have a hot pink shirt on,

which I am loving.

Life is going really well

right now. Pretty steady.

I am not extremely happy,

Yet, I am not extremely sad.

I just am.

been awhile.

As much as I would love to get completely lost in my blog and write the millions of tiny emotions that I am feeling. I just can't. I cannot seem to accept defeat, or accept the challenge of accepting defeat. I love my life. Just something seems off.

I don't know how to explain off. I feel as though I didn't listen to my heart in a situation where I should of. I feel as though I needed something more and I didn't speak up.

Then something happens..something that brings you back to reality or shoots you over the moon. I am not sure what is real or what is fake, what could have been or what could never be. I know it is making any sence. I am just not ready to go there. Not with myself, and surely not with the world.

I try to remember this IS the life that I chose, this is the life I wanted. I knew things and I had accepted them for what they were, and then.

Then.. it all fell apart. Or maybe it came together. I really don't know.

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

I just wanted to let everyone know that my blog is going to be under construction for a bit. I am going to make my blog annoymous.

I am blessed.

Three little words;



Who knew that those words would be the words that have been keeping me sane the last couple weeks..or months..or really how ever long it's been since I started saying them. I don't remember the first time I uttered the words. But after a while they became a fixture in my life, I catch myself saying them once a day, sometimes five, sometimes when things are really going haywire, I say them three or four times a minute. :]



I know that my life could be somewhere else, that it could have gone down a different path, so many times. That I could have chose so many different lives to live, and I do enjoy my life. There are just so many times where stress is getting the best of me. I am a little more snappy with my husband than I should be. I am a little more snappy with most people. But the thing is..I work. Hard. I know I know. I sit at a desk, but I have been working 10-12 hours days, two different jobs, being a pleasent person all day long, and I come home, and I am still TIRED.

chai tea && a cheese bagel; wishing I were @ home.

sore throat. headache. runny nose. stuffed up head. body aches. abdomenal pain.

last night when i went to sleep my throat was starting to hurt && a couple hours into the night, my nose was dripping. yesss dripping. so i got up, went to the bathroom, grabbed a whole roll of tissues out, and proceeded to stuff my nose with tissue for the rest of the night.

me being sick is one of j's favorite times. i literally spend my entire sickness laying in bed, not eating, not drinking, not doing anything but sleeping with tissue stuffed up my nose. he really enjoys taking pictures also, which i always am oblivious to.

last year i spent most of the winter, every single month, with just a few weeks off from being sick. and they all started to same exact way, sore throat, then runny nose, congested, and by the end i am coughing until i cannot breathe. i am really hoping that it is just a 24 hour thing, and that tomorrow i will wake up and it will all be gone.

now i am kinda kicking myself for buying the cheese bagel, cause 1. it hurts my throat. 2. it doesn't taste very good. 3. it only has two bites out of it now.

buuuuutt.. J should be home by friday, which I am way excited about & I got an email about a job position that is open in the er. I am beyond excited. I would love to get the position, I emailed back to my manager, and I am so hopeful that I get it. :] Maybe she would give it to another gal, and then that peoson would open another position that I would love to work. :}

keep your fingers crossed. :]

Girls Basketball: Douglas at CottageGrove (12/30/0

Girls'>http://www.dailymotion.com/swf/x8t6to_girls-basketball-douglas-at-cottage_sport">Girls Basketball: Douglas at CottageGrove (12/30/08)
by

the love of my life. [some picture of J.]

My husband.:]
Thee love of my life.
Was sitting at work, and
started going through my phone.
And found some cute ones. :]
He's adorable.

enjoy.

we're both totally watching the road. hehe. :]
shooting his bow. :]

more shooting.

hehe. loooove the flip flops.

biggg fish.

not watching the road. hehe

i cannot believe that he and i

have been married almost

one whole month. it does

not seem like it was almost

a month ago, that we were

planning our wedding, and

all of the stress and drama

that went on, before and during.

i am so glad that he and i

worked through all of our

issues && that we came out

ahead && stronger.

he is such an amazing husband.

i sometimes have to remind myself

that he is human and to cut him some

slack. but most of the time he is a

good guy. and i love him to the moon

and back. twice. three times.

okay. a trillion times.

:]

2009-08-18

Click here to view these pictures larger

Happy Belated Birthday Husband. <3

I had a whole list of 22-things that I loooove about my husband. Cute memories, and wishes, and a few other things, but I have not had the time at home to get it on here, and I had the last two days off, and when I came to work today- I forgot it at home. So booo me. :]

Today is going to be such a long day of work; Especially since I really need/want to spend time with Justin. On Monday, he leaves for two weeks. I really don't want him to go, but it's not like he's going hunting or to somewhere fun. So I guess that makes it easier. He leaves the 7 and won't be back til the 21. :[ I may be a wreck when he finally comes home. I did not do well at all when he was just gone for 6 days. But hopefully it all goes as planned and he is back home by the 21 or sooner. I am shooting for sooner, but preparing for later.

Here's a little peak into my day today;

5:00 am; Wake up && take a shower

5:17 am; out of the shower && back in bed with my husband.

6:15 am; alarm goes off again && get ready for work

6:40am: Justin and I leave..me to work, him to hunt.

7:00am; work @ the hospital.

**future speak.** [since we're only at 7:39am.] :]

12:45pm; off work..go to grandma's or to cash my check and run around town trying to get id.

4:15pm; back to work

9:30pm; off work.

3:00am: back to work

7:15am; off work.

ohhhhh by goly. I am going to be tirrrred tomorrow.