Thursday, August 20, 2009

frustrating; frustrated; frust..well you get the point.

Justin and I have been married, 1 week and 4 days. I know..I know- A LIFETIME. And I am pretty sure, if one more person asks me when Justin and I are going to have children, I might kick them in the teeth.
J and I have been together almost four years, but truely, we have a very set schedule on when we want children. I am currently using Mirena, and have been for years, and I love it, would not change it at all. I love not having to worry about any birth control. I love knowing that we don't always have to be prepared. I have heard from more than one person that people actually asked my family member's if the reason J and I "rushed" into marriage, [I guess planning a wedding for a year, and being engaged to that person for over two years is not long enough in this day and age.] was because we were pregnant. Really? It is not hard to not get pregnant; The ones that do, on "accident" are not pro-active, they don't use their brain, or they are just plain lazy. It is easy and usually in most cases free to get birth control. I know of so many people that should not have reproduced..and gooooosh- even a few people that Lord help us if they have children.

So today, while out I listened to a story from a person, who shall remain nameless, because; well I want to. The person tells me, "Yeah, so and so, wanted to know when you and J were going to have kids? Or if you were already pregnant?" Said person tells me " I told them, that youguys have a plan and that once your ready youguys will be having kids" Then the person tells said person; " Does S even like kids? I could never imagine her with children, I have never even heard her say she liked kids"

Grr. Double Grr. Maybe even triple grrrr. I love kids, and obviously the person doesn't read my blog [because they would know J and I are baaabbbbyyy crazy..but broke and that is why we aren't ttc.], and they haven't talked to me since I was 14 when I said; I never want kids.

I have this image in my mind, of a beige room, with dark cherry wood, salmon colored bedding, a big elephant print on the wall, a window that over looks a garden, or a pretty backyard..and a rocking chair. A rocking chair; that one thing..made me baby crazy, head over heals crrrrrrazzzy for babies. While working for C&J4, rocking the twins was my highlight. It didn't matter what was going on in the world, take a crying baby, change their diaper, put on some slow tunes, sit down and rock, *WHAM* baby stops crying, falls asleep, or sits there and smiles at you. And again- everything in the world makes sence. I know that is not how it always works, but I just cannot wait for those moments of pleasure, of pure love.

On a different note; I am at work..fully in the process of dying. I have eatin nothing but fruits and veggies..and I am pretty sure that there is not one ounce of my body that is not full of gas. I could very well die tonight. It is not like you can just go lay down and die somewhere, while your working a 8 hour shift; No, you have to sit at the desk, and be friendly to anyone that walks by- given at 2:45 in the morning that is a very slim amount of people, but still for that one person that walks by and you don't ackowledge then, more than likely that is the president of the U.S, or the c.e.o of my poe. Or even my next manager, shoot it could be God, and If I snubbed him, then I surely wouldn't get a window seat on the way to Heaven, and I wouldn't get a room with a view, and I wouldn't get to ride horses, without having to first clean stalls; and oh gosh--if only.. I could find a darn pair of boots that looked good over my pants, or maybe even cowgirl boots that were bigger than a size 8. :]

Oh by goly. Lack of sleep. A rockstar, and a couple handfuls of goldfish, is making this post rather random. :]

You know who I miss. Katie. My amazingly wonderful cousin from Bend. She is in Africa/Asia for the next 6-9 months. She is doing God's work. She used to blog all the time, and I loved reading the thoughts and idea's that she had. She is young, but wise for her years. She has gone through so many things, and still manages to put a smile on her face. She truely is one of my favorite relatives, and in this family- that. does. not. happen.- My cousins..are not the best. I just steer clear. Yet we did recently have our G Family reunion..twas enjoyable. Got my picture taken a bit. Talked to one of my relatives, that I never get a chance to see. And, really enjoyed spending time with J and my seeesters.

Hmm, I am going to sit here and think about how much my stomach hurts, and hopefully the time passes. :]

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