Sunday, June 20, 2010

I am an idiot.

Once again; I did a terrific job at managing money. Yippee! NOT! I forgot to refill my perscription for my Lexapro, which pretty makes me normal, and I spent the extra money we had for the refill. I have to wait now for payday to get it refilled. So yesterday, I was on day 3 without it, and I had a HUGE mild freak out. Which DOES NOT happen when I am on the pills. J and I had watched about 5 hours of hunting and fishing shows & one movie of my choice the entire day. I was done watching them, and could feel the freak out building. I told Justin I was going to take a nap, that I didn't feel good.
   I must have said it snarky or something, and him being who he is, cannot let a snarky comment die, followed me into the bedroom asking me what was wrong. I told him Nothing, I was just done watching crappy tv, that I was gonna go to bed. Obviously, that was the wrong answer--he then wanted to talk about our problems, and blah blah blah. I LOST it. Freaked out, screamed, cried, told him to get the f out of the bedroom, leave me alone, and do not talk to me until I say it is okay. {First off--this is totally not like me, yes I do freak out sometimes, but nothing like this. I fully blame it on the lack of pills, and the fact that they are a type that you are supposed to wean yourself off of, and not just stop cold turkey, since I can feel them leaving my system, and I feel like shit.}
       Again, he doesn't understand what is going on, or what he did, so he wants to talk about what I am so pissed about. I again lose it. Broke my phone in half. Packed a bag. Stormed out to my car. Drove to my moms. Left my moms, drove to a park, bawled, read a book, and eventually went home, where I found some xanax in the cupboard- took three and told J I would talk to him when the pills took affect, boy did they ever--I was a happy go lucky person the rest of the night.
      I explained the lack of pills to J, told him when I say I need space, that he better run for the hill, or next time I am liable to break him in half, since I no longer have a phone.

So, if you & I are texting buddies.. I will not have a phone for awhile. :( && The only internet use..will be at work, so no facebooking it. :(

Love ya..

1 comment:

  1. I was wondering why you hadn't texted me back! :( Went to a bar called the Silver Spur last night... Western Dance Club in Salem. LOL. And I saw a place called Hollands Bar and Grill and thought of you! Miss you lady! Hope things get better!


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