READY TO SCREAM THE F-WORD.

1. It's raining. I hate the rain. It is almost f-ing July. I need summer. I need to sit in the sun. I need to read a book on my back porch in the warm breeze. I need to sleep with my window open. I need to go to the lake. I need to take late evening walks with Ellie. I need the rain to go away--before I loose my effing mind.

2. People are driving me bonkers lately. I do not like people that talk crap about me. I am the type of person who comes right to your face and asks you about, you tell me you didn't say it {lie.} then, the very next day, yell at the person that told me stuff. Okayyy, obviously you were talking crap. How else would you have known who to talk to?!

3. My husband is on my VERY last nerve. He is a jerk. Yesterday, we went and spent about twohundred on groceries {very much needed, we had spaghetti sauce, and spaghetti noodle, and a bag of shrimp.}, so all twohundred dollars worth of groceries were sitting on the kitchen counters, I went to the bedroom to change into some comfies and when I came back J was on the phone with a friend, who he was making plans with to go hang out with. Yesterday was J's payday and he had a lot of money just sitting in his pocket. I got irritated that he was just leaving me to put away everything. He freaked out saying that it was his house, and how he never gets to go and do anything with his money. And he would do whatever he wanted from now on. He told me to leave. So I left. I drove around town, crying, got a coffee and figured his friend had been there to pick him up, so I headed back home. I cleaned up the house, deep cleaned the bathroom and kitchen.        
     Then two hours later he wasn't home yet, so around seven, I made myself dinner {no extra for him to heat up when he got home.} washed my dishes and put them away, read my book, texted him to find out what time he thought he would be home. By nine he still wasn't home and wasn't answering my phone calls or text.
    I locked the doors, turned off every single light including the little nightlights that we keep plugged in because our house is extremely dark without them, I set the alarm, and locked myself into the main bedroom.
    Obviously the main bedroom door doesn't lock because when he came through the front door my door opened. He came in flipped on the light and started ranting and raving avout how I do nothing in the house-- {hello..did you not see the bathroom, the kitchen or the rest of the house?}, I don't work hard enough, and all I do is sit around and shop online {huh? when was the last time I even got anything from offline} and that even if I do go to school I will never amount to anything. Really? Be mean to me. I don't really care. You want me out of YOUR house, well that's fine, but I am taking MY washer & dryer, my couches and chairs, my bed, the dogs {except for Jake}, and I am taking the food that I just put in YOUR cupboards, so piss off & enjoy sitting on the floor watching your tv with no cable or any movies, because all that is mine.  I waited until he went to sleep, got up and took Tucker into the other room & went to sleep in the spare room where the damn door actually locks. He left a whole stack of hundred and fifties on my purse.
    I used it to pay bills with. I am not sure what it was for. I was half tempted to go get my damn hair done. But decided against it. I might need it to move into my own place.

4. I have so many Dr. appt coming up and I really do not want to go. All I want to do is cry, and pretend like I am not sick..maybe it will cure itself. I know it is not true, but I just don't know.

5. I had the best lunch, seriously so yummy & I had a massage on my lunch.

6. I am going to dinner with a friend tonight, which is much much needed.

7. I totally need to get my camera for Emeli so that I can upload those pictures from the weekend in Bend. :)